The book ‘Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking‘ by Susan Cain sheds light on how introverts see and interact with the world. Extroverts love small talk and they love external stimuli while introverts would prefer long deep conversations and they prefer more intimate settings. Contrary to what most people think, introversion is not the same as shyness. Introverts just see the world differently.
The world, business world in particular, is setup to equate extroversion with success. One light bulb moment for me while reading Cain’s work was learning about famous leaders that are introverts. People like Ghandi, Warren Buffett, Charles Darwin and even Barack Obama were introverts. Despite their aversion to being the center of attention they stepped up to the plate.
After reading this amazing book I reflected on how I see and approach the world. If you ask people I know whether I’m an introvert or an extrovert, most will probably say that I’m an extrovert. They’d say I’m comfortable around people and that public speaking comes easy to me. What will surprise them is that it’s not true. I fake it until I make it. The story below illustrates the thoughts that are going on in my head when I’m at a gathering where I’m asked to speak to a crowd.
Let me prefix this story by saying that I’m not telling this story to show how amazing I am at speaking to a crowd. I’m actually not a public speaker, and anyone who has done real public speaking will see that this example is not that impressive. However, for me the times I’ve had to go in front of a crowd, even a small one, it has been a struggle. I feel other introverts will understand these feelings and my goal is to highlight some tactics that I’ve used to get past my fears and face the challenge. I want others who find it difficult to speak to a crowd to find that courage with in them and be able to grow from that experience because it is a skill that is needed in the information age we live in.
At the end of this post I have some practical advice for you introverts reading this on how you too can fool everyone around you to think you’re an extrovert.
The setup and the jitters
Even though I arrived early there were a few people already setting up. I greeted the hostess and quickly put together the table assigned to me and started helping the other volunteers set the drinks and snacks like veggie platters, hummus dips etc. As I’m doing this, people start arriving.
Just as people start showing up I get the jittery feeling. It’s a feeling I’m sure every introvert gets in a public gathering where they feel they have to interact with other humans. If you’re not an introvert but are afraid of heights then its kind of like the feeling you get when you’re at the top floor of a sky scraper and you look down. Yea, kind of like that.
So I try and pretend like I’m busy setting up but sure enough it happens. I’ve inadvertently made eye contact with someone. Deep breath. Sigh.
Connecting with the cause
“Hi, nice to meet you! Thanks for coming!” I say with as much sincerity I can muster up under the circumstances. She responds positively and after basic pleasantries we both move on. Another eye contact and another quick interaction later my nerves start to settle. At this point I’ve started to accepted the fact that I’ll be meeting people and having conversations throughout the event.
That was the plan anyways. I was there as a volunteer for a social mixer of local startups. The organization is helping local entrepreneurs-in-the-making meet each other, learn from each other and help each other bring their ideas to life. It’s a noble cause that I believe in. These are smart people with great ideas and they need to know that they can and should bring their ideas to life.
Also I had a table setup with a healthy drink I was thinking of bringing to market. So I thought I’d have attendants try the drink and get some feedback. You know, quick and dirty market research and such. This meant that I’d have to be talking to people, but the first few interactions always make me nervous.
Learning to say ‘Yes, and…’
As people start coming in and we go from a couple of people to 20 plus, the hostess approaches me and says “hey Bilal, can you run the discussion group today? I have to run the startup pitches in the other room. The topic for the discussion is cryptocurrency. Thanks!”
Can I what…!?!?! Crypto who??
I had been researching how to get better in public gatherings and situations and read that Improv classes help you get of the fear of meeting and talking to new people. The whole idea is based on saying “Yes, and…” to whatever situation you’re presented with. The problem was… I have only READ about this. I’ve never taken improv classes!
“oh… um… ok sure.. where will I do this? Is there anything in particular you want me to discuss…?” I asked, hoping for some direction.
“Just move everyone in that room and just keep them busy for at least 20 – 30 minutes.”
Gulp. So.. no direction… I gotta wing it. “Ok, sure, no problem.” I distinctly remember thinking: “Did I just say that?!?”
I quickly pulled out my phone and googled cryptocurrency. Glanced quickly at a couple of articles on the basic concepts around Crypto while hiding behind my table I had set up. Next, I quickly searched for latest news regarding crypto.. open in new tab. Highlight some things people were talking about, some controversy in the news… ok… ok not bad. Maybe I can pull this off.
When I look up from my phone I almost gasp. The room was packed. At least 80 people. Maybe more.
I get out from behind the table and start meeting more people, saying hi, thanks for coming, what brings you here, what’re you working on etc.
Telling myself: I can do this
Now that I’m meeting more people I start to relax a little. Then there is a tap on my shoulder.
“Bilal, can you gather the crowd in the room now?” I look around… there has to be more than 100 people now.. right? Or was it my imagination making it look like more people showed up in the last few minutes.
I have to gather ALL these people? Ok… here goes.
“Hello everyone!” A few people directly around me turn and look at me… damn. Not loud enough.
“Good evening everyone, can I have your attention please!” Ok.. maybe 30% of the room is looking at me now. Still not loud enough.
An introvert’s worst nightmare! I wanted to crawl back behind my table and hide behind the phone…. agh.
Say it with your chest!
For some reason I remembered Kevin Hart. He has this laugh out loud stand up bit where he talks about his uncle telling him to speak up and say it with his chest.
“Can I have your attention please!!! Thank you everyone for coming! We’re going to move into the room for our discussion now, please join us there, we’ll begin in 10 minutes! Thanks!”
This time I grab their attention and everyone starts to comply. Wow… not bad. I controlled a pretty big crowd into a room.
Double damn. I now have to keep them occupied for 30 minutes discussing a topic I know next to nothing about!
Luckily there was a quick presentation from the sponsors and the organizer. 6 minutes done. Shiznit. 24 more minutes to go.
So I start with “Hello everyone, we’re now going to have an open discussion about Cryptocurrency.” I feel my voice shake / break.
Someone in the back of the room screams, “Can you speak up! We can’t hear you back here!” My heart sinks.
Is my table still there? What would happen if I ran out and hid? NO! You got this dude… say it with your chest!
Shutting up and listening
So, I speak up. Ask if anyone in the room has used Cryptocurrency before. Asked some open-ended questions about the direction the technology is going in. What everyone thought about adoption of the technology and whether it will be taken more seriously. What about the technology behind Crypto, blockchain. How else can block chain be used?
Somehow I had them talking. They were discussing. There was even some heated discussion going back and forth. I asked why they thought what they thought. Another few minutes burnt.
Before I knew it, I got the signal to stop the discussion…I tell everyone thanks and tell them to try my drink at my table.
aaaaanndddd…… breaaaaatheeeeee…
The ‘organized’ part of the event was done. It was now ‘mixer’ time. I got back to my table and people start coming to my table, trying the drink and giving feedback. I look at the time and realize I’ve been conversing with people for over an hour with no problem and getting great feedback.
A few people come and thank me and said they enjoyed the event and the love the organization. I tell them who actually runs the show and introduce them, they seem surprised. They tell me that they thought I was the organizer. I tell them I’m just a volunteer. Not bad for an introvert, if I do say so myself. Of course the following week I had to take off from attending any large gatherings to recharge the batteries so-to-speak.
I met some amazing people that night. I heard their stories and the entrepreneurial journeys they’re on. I learnt a lot from this experience and from other experiences like this.
If I had known that I’d be asked to run the discussion before the event, would I have even showed up? Maybe. Maybe not. But I’m glad I was there and I’m glad I said ‘yes, and…’
The take-aways for the introverts of the world?
If you’re an introvert you will recognize at least the feelings and thoughts I listed above when in public gatherings. My story above is one of many such stories where I’ve been thrown into situations where I was uncomfortable and being asked as an introvert to do what every atom in my body told me not to do. Even introverts can run the show. In fact their leadership style, that Susan Cain calls ‘soft power’ in her book “Quiet: The power of introverts,” is often times needed in this fast paced world we live in. So here are a few things you can do as an introvert to rise to the challenges, even when you’re afraid.
- Step out of yourself and connect the challenge to something greater than yourself. If I didn’t believe in the cause then I don’t think I would have been able to force myself to say yes to the ask. Believing in the cause makes it much easier to step up to the plate
- Talk to yourself before the event. Tell yourself you can do it in the mirror. Even though they seem cheesy, affirmations do help
- You should know that the first few interactions will be the most awkward and the hardest. You just have to get through the first 5 – 10 minutes. After that you’ll start to ease in
- Embrace ‘yes, and…’ I do plan on taking Improv one of these days. The concept of accepting every situation and rolling with the punches is one that can put you in a mind space where interesting things can happen. If you can, take an Improv class
- Say it with your chest! Say it loud and proud. You are important and what you have to say is important as well. As an introvert I want to speak softly so no one except the person I’m speaking with can hear me. I have to consciously remind myself that I should be heard.
- Shut up and listen. This is something that as introverts we are naturally good at. We’re really good at the one-on-one conversations where we can have a deeper connection with someone. In larger gatherings it can seem overwhelming, but if you remind yourself that you’ll be meeting with people so that you can have those intimate connections can make it easier to navigate.
So even though it’s scary, stop saying no to those conferences, meetings and social functions and use these tactics to help you make those connections that you crave.
